Part 1: Getting Started with Online Dating

So here I am, a divorced single 40-something. I'm definitely not in a hurry to get remarried but I would love to try dating and having a nice relationship would be awesome. I work at home so it's hard to meet people. It's not like when I was in college and everyone I knew was single! This is tough.

I have tried the bar scene. You can definitely meet people there but it's difficult to know their motives. Many seem to be looking for a VERY short term relationship, if you know what I mean. :-) Also, I'm probably not living in the right place. I am NOT the typical So Cal/Orange County girl! I mean, I think I'm reasonably attractive, don't get me wrong. But perhaps my look would be better suited for Chicago or London. I don't have fake nails (although I do get professional manicures), my hair color is real (although a monthly visit to Kathy ensures it's my original real and not the 40-something version) and I haven't had plastic surgery (but I have some great push-up bras). So, I'm for real but with minor enhancements that I have chosen to feel are all about looking my best – LOL... And I'm at the bar, sitting next to guys who WANT to talk to me but keep being distracted by the gorgeous blondes with huge breasts wearing their daughter's clothes. Heck, even I'M distracted by them!

So, I decided to try out eHarmony. I like the idea of being matched based on more than height and age and I have a dear friend who met her husband there. These would be guys who would be making the effort to meet someone to establish some sort of longer term relationship and they would know before we went out that I'm not a size 2 blonde supermodel. They would be aware of my career and travel and would not be threatened by my outgoing personality. Sounds like it's worth a shot.

Encouraged by friends, I went on to just 'check it out'. These eHarmony people are SO smart and tricky. I began filling out the questionnaire, just to see what they would ask, and it was actually really interesting. It's just like other personality profiles we have all taken for one reason or another and you end up with a personality profile. No surprises, I've seen this before: “adaptable, perceptive, fair, collaborative, leader, outgoing, self aware...”. Okay, so this thing really works. Eventually, I run out of time and log off. The next day, my email is filled with eHarmony matches! I didn't press the 'go' button on this! They TRICKED me! AHHH! “Meet Bob, your new match” and “Get to know Mike, your new match”. Well, how could I resist? So I logged on and it started there...

First, I needed to update my profile. I didn't take it seriously the first time. They want to know the basics: age, occupation, height, spirituality, drinking habits... One would think this was the easy part... I fret over the details. Am I an “Executive at a high tech firm?” That sounds cool but is it too intimidating? Am I really an exec? My title has executive in it but I'm not a Director. I settle on “Sales Leader and Acquisitions at a Large Tech Firm”. Okay. So, drinking is multiple choice. Do I drink “once a week” or “several times a week”? I mean, I drink like 3 times a week. Several times sounds like I'm an alcoholic but once sounds boring. Sigh.

Then there is the 'in your own words' section... “Other than your appearance, what's the first thing people notice about you?” “What are 5 things you can't live without?” “What are you most passionate about?” “The 4 things your friends say about you are...” “How do you typically spend your leisure time?” WOW. This is hard. I mean, how do I want to represent myself? I begin thinking like the Sales person that I am. I write, I rewrite. Then,I realize that what I REALLY want to do is represent myself as MYSELF! DUH. So, it gets easier.

However, this begs the question, how honest are the men who I will be matched with? Yikes. I decide that they are probably no less honest than they would be if I met them in a bar so I move ahead. Little do I know, a little honesty can be pretty off-putting! More coming soon...