Date #2: Franz

Franz is very open and easy to communicate with. He’s a furniture designer and is German. I mean, FROM Germany and his only been in the US for a few years. Given that I'm enamored with Europe, this is a good thing in my mind. We move through the ‘guided communication’ and quickly end up in email mode. He’s traveling to India for a couple of weeks to meet with his suppliers. Franz has 2 boys in college, who he adores, and seems quite anxious for us to get together. He responds almost immediately to my notes and he is delightful. He asks my opinion on his furniture creations and we have a lively exchange. We decide to meet for lunch when he returns.
I arrive at the restaurant and he has brought me a lovely pashmina from India. Franz is a good looking man and very animated. I like him immediately. We order lunch and start talking.
We talk a lot about our jobs. He loves his work and is very creative, which I think is great. He is quite successful and creative. Franz’s sons have just been home for spring break and he has LOVED being with them. He begins to share a story about Wolfgang. Franz has found condoms in Wolfgang’s things. Franz tells me of his exchange with his son: “Wolfgang, you must respect the woman.” I’m feeling uncomfortable but I maintain eye contact. “Always remember, Wolfgang, the woman is the host.” HUH? Did you just stay that? The host of what? OHHHHH. Um, okay. He babbles on as I consider crawling under the table but it passes and we move on to other topics.
While we talk, he reaches over and asks me if he can hold my hand – which he does. I’m quite uncomfortable with this and begin to look around the room to see if there is anyone that I know in the area. I agree but quickly find a reason to scratch my head and my hand disappears under the able, never to be seen again.
A friend has given him a book to read, which he devoured on the flight to India. It’s about the five languages of love. Maybe you have heard about it – I have but have not read it. Franz starts to share this with me in his very German accent. “There is giving of gifts, touch, acts of service…” I smile and lean forward with interest but I feel a strong sense of doom. He continues: “I think to myself, how do I want to receive love? I being to eliminate things – I don’t need gifts…” I am growing more uncomfortable. I want to float over the table and disappear. But, again, I maintain eye contact, smile, and he continues… “I think to myself, ‘Franz, how do I want someone to fill my love cup?’”. Your love cup? Okay, I’m the ‘host’ and he has a ‘love cup’. I’m just not feeling it now.
Everything after that is a blur. I have to say that I am looking for an emotionally available, communicative person so the system seems to be working. But this may be a bit extreme for me. I just want to leave. When we do go, I don’t have the heart to tell him that I don’t want to see him again. He sends me email and wants to get together again 2 days later and, in the meantime, would love it if I showed up at his local bar that night. I reply that I don’t think ‘it makes sense’ for us to see each other again. He sends me a note saying that he has doubts as well so it’s all for the better. I feel like a jerk.