Date #1: BOB

First, let me make it clear that names are changed to protect the innocent. I mean, these guys are going to a LOT of trouble to find someone and I’m about to ‘tell all’. So…

Bob seems like a good guy. He’s 54, 5’10” and his occupation? “Own 3 companies on Southern California.” That’s cool. How does Bob spend his leisure time? “Finding new restaurants in amazing locations...Travel to places I have on my to-see to see what the world is all about.” Restaurants? Travel? Sounds pretty good.

So he reaches out through the ‘guided communication’ with a few questions. They are all appropriate – and about socializing and going out, which is great. Here’s an example of a question he chose and my response:

If you were taken by your date to a party where you knew no one, how would you respond?
A) stay close to my date, letting him/her introduce me
B) find a spot at the back bar and relax alone, letting him/her work the room
C) strike out on my own, introducing myself and making friends
D) I would ask my partner if I could skip this particular event

I chose to create my own response:
E) I'm very social so comfortable in this setting. Assuming this is a party with your friends, I would let you take the lead on how we would 'work the room'.

Now, I send him some questions. Examples:
Where do you see yourself living in 15 years?
A) a nice apartment in the city
B) a house in the suburbs
C) a house in a small town
D) a house in the country

His reply:
I WILL have a place at the beach in south OC AND a home in Lake Tahoe, on the Nevada side...
Oh, nice… 
We continue to communicate and ultimately decide to go out. (Gulp) In preparation for this event I need to tell you that my profile lists 5 things I ‘can’t do without’ as:
• Purpose - Doing something well and contributing
• Positive environment - The room & the people in it
• Music - Music colors my mood
• Chips & salsa - Can't stop once I start!
• Companionship and connection
So… it’s date day and we’re meeting for lunch at a very nice local spot. There is mass chaos at my house that morning, of course, as my son is leaving to go back to school from spring break. I was expecting him to be gone sooner but he’s still here, in need of some help so as I am putting on make up and fixing my hair, I’m also helping him get his stuff in the car and feeling guilty about ‘shooing’ him off so that I can make it to my date on time. Argh!
I’m absolutely mortified. I’m nervous, not sure I’m wearing the right thing (Tammy helped me decide!) and would like nothing better than to back out of the whole thing. But, I make my way. I walk into the restaurant and the hostess takes me to the table. There is Bob – I recognize him from his photo. He stands up to greet me, gives me a hug and I notice two things. First, there are CHIPS AND SALSA on the table. This restaurant doesn’t have chips and salsa. Oh boy. That is COOL. And the flowers. Beautiful flowers. Ahhh, nice.
So, what is the first thing I say? “Oh my God, I’m so nervous.” Ha! DOOH! But he calms me down and we start talking. VERY nice guy. But.. he looks older than 54, he’s not 5’10 AND, he’s not quite divorced yet. Just separated. Ohhhh.
This is a really good guy. Very nice, easy to talk to, lots in common. But, I’m not attracted to him. It seems that he really does own 3 companies (gorgeous Lexus parked outside) and he has traveled a lot. He has done business with Disney and really likes the company. He name drops a bit – knows Dick Clark and family, had dinner with Simon Cowell recently, knows the Eisner family, etc. But all in all, quite a nice event and since he’s very traditional, no ‘pressure’, if you know what I mean. At the end of the meal, I ask if he wants to split the bill. He says, “No, and don’t ever ask me that again.” I agree to go out with him the next week. He gives me his email: Disneyguy@.... Hmmm. Eisner? Disney?

Bob is taking me to a restaurant at, yes, the Disneyland Resort. Okay, it’s a VERY nice restaurant and high end but I’m suspicious of the Disney angle. He picks me up in a beautiful big black Lexus and as we drive up to the resort, it appears that he knows the valet parking folks. Evidently, he eats here 2-3 times a week! We tour the lobby and pool area as if he owns the place and get to dinner. Absolutely lovely – excellent service (they ARE his friends, after all!), fantastic food and delicious wines. We talk and it’s nice but again, just no attraction for me. I am really looking for a connection and there’s just nothing going on. I search for this because despite my concern about the Disney obsession, this is a very nice guy and he’s such a gentleman. Plus, we have good conversation but it’s just not there. Why is it that you are so attracted to some people and not others? I mean, we all know it’s a mystery but particularly so when you are reaching out to find it.

The evening ends by a big fire place outside where we sit and sip champagne with another couple from Oregon on a Disneyland holiday. Lovely. As we get home, I know that I cannot keep seeing him but don’t say anything. Wimp! When he emails me again about going out, I tell him that I am traveling a lot over the next few weeks (true) and that perhaps we should revisit later. He is gracious in his response. I really need to work on being more honest and up front. I was able to do that with Franz but it’s harder with Bob and it’s not really nice to be too nice. I’m finding that even though I’m 40-something, I have a lot to learn. This is truly a growing experience.